Reminiscing…

Father’s Day without a father is… well, weird. How weird is it to tell someone that you’re celebrating Father’s Day by driving to the cemetery? It’s actually quite painful. It took us forever to get there, too. -__- That kinda sucked. And we were there for about 30-40 mins (if that) before we took off. The cemetery was packed. It’s a Veterans’ plot, so ppl were there in droves to honor their fallen heroes.

Is my dad a fallen hero?

Are all vets heroes? Is every father a hero? Ideally, yes. Realistically, no. I’ve never considered my father a hero of any kind. Pity, really. It would wonderful if every child considered their dad (and mom) a hero. Proverbs 17:6b (TNIV) says ‘Parents are the pride of their children,’ or in the CEV it says, ‘Children should be proud of their parents.’ Wow… Of course, I assume that means the parents give the kids something to be proud of. I think it’s a little easier for kids to consider their moms as ‘heroes’ of some kind. Usually moms are sacrificing careers to be at home with the kids. Or even more challenging, they are juggling both a career and raising kids. (Scary! But, it’s done.) Personally, I like the idea of co-parenting. The idea that parents take turns throughout the day caring for and instructing the kids so that kids have the opportunity to be with both parents – not just mommy. Both parents feel they’re contributing, both are sacrificing, yet both are still accomplishing their dreams with the other’s help. I think this would relieve the bitterness in many a stay-at-home-mommy’s heart b/c the daddies are MIA.

If my parents had co-parented, would I be proud of my dad today?
You cant really be proud of someone you never see…

It’s a rough thing to love someone who’s gone and yet be pissed at them for the choices they made in life. My 老公 says these are not mutually exclusive – loving someone and being angry at them. That’s hard for me, tho. Not that I dont think you can be angry with ppl you love. It’s just complicated. Anger is an emotion I find hard to deal with. That is something I have to learn. As I think about my father’s life, as I bend over his plot, I wanna be pissed… but I cant. All other emotion except for grief are buried along with him in that grave. 😦 It sux. I feel repressed. Not that I havent forgiven him… I think. But, it’d be nice to let some of this pent-up frustration out at the one who caused it. Too late now…

All the more reason to begin a NEW LEGACY. That’s a catchphrase my 老公 and I use quite often. It should probably be emblazoned in the living room of our home. 🙂 A new legacy, which in this case, would also include adopting a co-parenting model (as best as we can) so that our kids can get the best of both mommy and daddy in their lives. (OMG, am I talking about having kids??! o__o) It’ll be tough, but more than worth it. Wouldnt you love for your kids to be proud of you? I certainly would. My 老公 and I are gonna work hard to make sure it happens. ^_^

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