From Single to Single Mom… again?

Last summer it was Angel. This yr it’s Alex. I dont need as many signs and confirmations as last yr b/c I recognize the subtle hints now. No need for too many visions b/c confirmation is all around – even in my dreams. Then, why am I hesitating? I’m scared. Funny, I have dreams that ppl are after me to take my life and I laugh in their face. But, getting involved in this drama again? I’ve been out of touch with the family since May… Bad on me. I should never go that long without communicating. But, I was so sick physically and mentally/emotionally exhausted by it all. I went on a ‘sabbatical’ from the drama without informing them. Being away at camp has been so good. All the ministry I’ve gotten to do with my boys has been refreshing, if not easy. This is what I love. Mentoring/discipling/PRAYING! I live for this. But, taking in Alex? I dont even know what’s going on, to be honest. I just keep getting the road signs saying, “take her.” And that’s good enough for me. Timing? Maybe I’ll have some time yet. Maybe it doesnt have to happen as quickly as things happened with Angel last yr. That was nuts. I lost so much — my control, my health, my sanity. But, this time, I’m more prepared. She’ll be different. In some ways better, in some ways worse. My mom isnt pleased. =/ But, what to do la? If it’s what God wants, I’d be a damned fool to say no. And I may be a damned fool, but I’m not saying no.

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