Jan. 21, 2006
So many of you responded to my last entry! Guess I scared you, huh? Sorry about that. It was really rough. But I wanted to inform you that I made my decision!
First of all, the decision itself was actually very obvious to me (and many of you!). What kept me from making it was simply this: FEAR. Fear of disobeying God, fear of making a mistake, fear of God taking my school away from me and breaking my heart again… So many fears. This led to my depression. But, as we all know, God hasnt given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind. So, it became obvious to me that this was more than just about a decision, but an outright spiritual battle. (This was confirmed by my Mentee, who is prophetically gifted, when she shared with me how she’d seen a vision of me being slapped around by a couple of demonic forces.) More than just making the right decision was at stake here. My spiritual well-being – the depression – was also involved and I needed a breakthru. One look and you could tell my soul was downcast within me… right Carol?
So, after discussing it with godly friends, (Carol, Justin, Vicky, Joanna, Mayjie, Jackie, Eugene), receiving many encouraging emails/prayers from you, (you know who you are – too many to name), and praying/fasting about it, I made my decision to leave CCHC. But still there was a fear.
As I was praying last nite, all the while hoping I’d made the right decision, I naturally switched back and forth between prayer languages. (For those of you who are confused, it means I tend to pray in English and in tongues. Sometimes Chinese, too.) As I prayed in tongues, the Spirit of God began to touch me with an intensity that I havent experienced in a while. And I found myself involuntarily bowing down face-forward. (This happened once before right around the time I started working at CCHC.) And as I was being moved, and worshiping His Majesty who had made His appearance in my room, I felt myself being empowered. He was pouring something – an anointing? – into me. I know there are plenty of things He is preparing me for. But perhaps most importantly, He was healing me. It was tremendous. I can honestly say I went to sleep in joy and peace, and I woke up with no heaviness of heart and no bleak outlook on my situation . God has renewed my strength. He’s truly turned my mourning into dancing. Can I hear an AMEN?
So, I called my principal yesterday and left a message on his machine asking for my job back this Fall. If he says he cant take me back, it’s ok. There’s always next Fall. The point is, I have no need to fear because Jesus is here. Thank you all for your words of encouragement, your support and friendship. Your prayes enabled me to breakthru this. I will forever be in your debt.
For hopefully only a limited time left! –>
Support checks can be made to “OCM Vision Church” with my name in the Memo.